Saturday, June 1, 2013

YE JAWAANI HAI Q-TIYAPA


Yesterday I went to watch 'Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani'. Don't get any wrong impression. My intentions were perfectly clear - to enjoy the movie if it is good else write this blog. A third grade whiskey in a new expensive bottle may confuse a novice but not the alcoholics.   

Starting is always difficult while writing a review. Lets show some respect to elders and start with them - Madhuri Dixit. Madhuri meets Ranbir while performing an item number in the can be called GB Road of Agra. Who calls her an Item nowadays I suspect. Mr Ranbir Kapoor (Bunny) is working with some foreign journalists as an intern. He is hired to persuade the girls in the brothel to answer the journalists (how many kids you have, what about the life here etc kind of questions). In reality who hires an intern to get some answers in a brothel. For 100 INR every girl in a brothel will draw for you her full family tree, may be even her kids father. But movies are movies. Ranbir immediately gets the opportunity to be in the lead opposite to Madhuri in the item number using some random absurd senseless poetry. 

The tough part to digest is the hall in which the item number is being performed. The hall is big, there are around 50-60 side dancers and twice more the spectators. What is such a hall doing in a brothel is tough to understand. It is Agra and not Greece. Divide it into some rooms and give the side dancers and spectators some personal space, it will be fantastic for the brothel business. 

The main story begins with Naina Talwar (Deepika Padukone), a Punjabi girl with a boring life and orthodox parents. In the whole movie it is impossible to get a Punjabi touch in Deepika's role. If you cannot get into character you cannot be a good actor (though being Punjabi has nothing to do with the movie plot). Well it is  India, if you are getting something for free why work hard for it. Coming back to track Deepika after instantly realizing what a shitty life she is living decides to go on a trekking expedition to Khirsu Pass, Manali. She does the booking using Make My Trip but is not able to get a seat in the train at the end time, that's anti advertising for Make My Trip. At this moment Ranbir helps her out by saying ' she can sleep with me ' ( what a great comment to a girl whose name he do not remember, they were in same school ) The main problem is how a studious, alone, introvert girl agrees to go with a guy making vulgar comments. Cool society. Ranbir also gives the idea to  Trip Coordinator from Make My Trip to give the TC a 100 Rs note. This depicts Make My Trip also supports corruption. The dialogues are senselessly written with some cheapness and  vulgarity to make up for the humor part. At a point Naina asks Ranbir what about kids if he will never marry, he replies ' who needs to marry to have kids, we can have them right now, I also know how to make twins ' I doubt even Mr. Genghis Khan knew how to make twins. At their interaction Ranbir uses some senseless and boring tricks to get acquainted with Deepika for eg. oh aaaan  Ayesha we met in some xy's party, oho sorry Geetanjali some xy's cousin. Mr. Ranbir Kapoor if you want to make such cheap tricks please put some logic in it and use common Indian girls name like Aarti, Ankita, Swati etc.

The treks organised by Make My Trip are fantastic, I will give that to them. You have an unlimited amount of booze, some very sexy girls and a plus point is that if their sexiness competes with their dumbness the latter is the winner and who do not like beauty with no brains, you have a make up crew with you free of cost from Make My Trip so that your make up, your hairs, your clothes looks fresh and new every day.The gender ratio in Make My Trip trekking expeditions is cool too and favours girls in higher number. Really I was not able to spot guys there, it were girls all around. For all the above mentioned points I strongly recommend Make My Trip to my fellow Indian boys.

In the trek Ranbir reveals that he loves trekking, trekking is his life while he gets almost defeated in a race to a nearby peak with Deepika ( her life's first trek ). Dude you should work hark for your life. I believe the script writer wanted to write the experiences of  his trek and convert it into a movie. But he got into a wrong production house - DHARMA PRODUCTIONS. In Dharma Productions it is compulsory to add a love story, some disturbances among friends and families, some heart breaks, very expensive clothes which does not matter where you are, sexy make up which holds every time  - before sleeping and after sleeping, six to seven songs with no connection to the movie's plot and after these prerequisites the main story. And if the script writer wrote this script on purpose then he should be the one to get rogered in our national capital. 

The movie is full of boring scenes, hard to listen than to watch, even more hard is to make out their importance. There is a very pathetic scene where Ranbir, Deepika and their two friends are running from local goons in Manali. The scene is tried to be depicted as a humorous run and chase like in Tom and Jerry show but it's a big fail. Their are some dialogues with very poor philosophy integrated with them. Some double meaning cheap jokes on which only cheap people will laugh. These dialogues are given majorly to Ranbir to make it easy for the audience to guess who is the lead actor in the movie. The songs are dull with some very poor lyrics. The only good song is ' Badtameez Dil ' which is shown in the trailers and nicely choreographed  but please do not get swayed by the trailer that is only the whiskey bottle. 

At the beginning Deepika is shown a boring, dull girl who wears Kurtis and tops to neck level, wears high power spectacles. At the end of the trek she is quite confident and her specs are gone too. All thanks to Mr. Ranbeers vulgar dialogues and cheap jokes. He also gives her the power to read at night during the trek which he himself can easily do. At the last day while returning from the trek the guys wakes up from a bus and starts dancing to celebrate Holi festival. They continues dancing and singing  from the morning till night with out attending any nature or human calls. The scene is quite colorful, there is gulal (color) everywhere in the air, in road, in swimming pool, who the hell paid for all that is not shown. Also why the local public is dancing around our lead characters and giving them the central spot is unanswered. At the end of this heroic dance Deepika fells in love with Ranbir but do not express her feelings because Ranbir is going to US to study journalism on a scholarship. What does a foreign masters program has to do with expressing your love to someone I do not understand. Are dumbo Deepika keep a foreign boyfriend for showoff and a local for other physical and financial needs.

This is the end of the first part and almost the end for this blog. I am too much confused why they made the second half.  There is some sentimental drama among friends, between Deepika and Ranbir as they meet after 8 yrs. One strong change for sure is in Deepika's personality. In the second part she is much more confident, do not wear spectacles, laughs, jokes around and outrageously reveals two inches of her cleavage in almost every scene in the second part. Seeing the cleavage Ranbir also falls in love with her and understands how important is relationships, family, friends with respect to his dreamed life career. So he decides to leave the chance to host a TV show in Paris and comes to Deepika, He could have got better and different cleavages in Paris. At this point I was confused again as who is more dumb among the trekking girls and Mr. Ranbir Kapoor. 

The movie sucks big time. If we remove the fat and short guy from the movie Cocktail ( yes the same guy who converts into a superhuman when he participates in any race ) then it can win an Oscar with respect to Ye Jawaani Hai Deewani.

One word to describe the movie will be - ' BAD ' . Do not think my vocabulary is weak, its quite strong. I do not want to waste good words on a shit like this. Signing this movie was a bad decision for Ranbir. How good an actor you are, if you will shit it will smell. I do not think the direction was a problem, the dialogues are poorly written, songs are lame except one, the script was pathetic and cinematography also sucks for the movie, also they should know how to use a background in a scene to make it look real.

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