Being Judgmental

We all have heard never judge a book by its cover but ours is indeed a judgmental society. We
love to judge others, It is not a flaw it is just human nature. Our society does not allows
anybody to be just himself. Judging is a double-edged sword. If we judge someone to be lower
or worse than us then it can create an insecurity or phycological marks on the person who is
judged. But we also tend to judge others who are better than us and that creates jealousy and
unnecessary comparison. Judging without a strong reason is just not sensible.
I cannot speak for the United States but in my country neighbors and relatives have a full-time
job judging others. Last time I went home, my cousin sister asked me where I live, when I told
her Las Vegas – there was a sudden change in her expression, she replied is it not a drugs and
party city. Her tone implied that I spend most of my time in the casinos losing all my money.
She must be thinking that I chose to work in Las Vegas because of the casino, legal weed and
strip clubs, and just because Vegas has the biggest strip club in the world that does not mean I
am a regular customer of those clubs.

Indian culture is still conservative about sex. The funny part is we don’t talk about sex openly
but we breed like rabbits, India has the 2 nd largest population, I don’t understand from where
those kids are coming from. Actually, it is ironic, Kamasutra was written in India, our forefathers
will die a second death if they see their future generations shy away talking about sex.
See Now - I have started judging my own country.

Before judging I should consider that most parts in India has gone through a 1000 years of
Mughal and colonial rule, there was poverty and war, our perspective and views were altered,
we were told and made to believe our thinking and culture were not pure. Our literature was
burnt and universities destroyed, Trade and business banned. There are many reasons that can
be argued, some maybe true some maybe false. And India is a very young country, it is only 70
years old, it will develop and change for good. 1000 years of domination cannot be undone in
70 years.

I know all this but still I judge my country a lot and admire the western countries, and to be true
there is a lot to admire in the west and very less in the east at this time. I cannot change my
judgmental nature but I can change my behavior and attitude towards being judgmental.
I cannot forget a childhood incident, When I was young, during school summer vacations we
used to live with my uncles family in our ancestor house in a small town. They had a shop
connected to the house in front, it also acted as 1 of the ways to leave or enter the house.
One of my cousins, we were 13-14 years old at that time, used to have very long hair and a
tattoo. My uncle wanted his son to pay attention in his studies, according to him studies and
fashion were mutually exclusive. Whenever AK went through the shop the customers would
make faces or pass comments about his tattoo and his friend circle. All customers were people
of that town and so were familiar to my uncle. One particular day one of the customer in a
sarcastic way said long hair looks great but why your daughter wear guys clothes. That triggered something in my uncle and he called the barber that evening and asked him to cut AK’s hair short. I was there and I could not believe he never resisted, When I asked him he said he will answer in his own way.

Near the house there was a lane with video game shops, tea, etc. where all teenagers used to
hangout to smoke cigarettes. We were friends with all shopkeepers there, one in particular was
as opium addict barber. I loved that old man, he was a rare variety. He loved us and we used to
talk a lot. It was always nonsense what he said. One day he said if all opium addicts can be
organized in a political party, we can take over the country. I said that is a wonderful idea. He
also told me his plan to bring barbers into organized sector, have a union, increase haircut
rates, have a barber license. He also talked about a state of the art haircutting school, first of its
kind in the town. But then he said he won’t remember all this and it was my duty to remind him
once he gets elected. I used to agree.

Coming back to the main story, my cousin went to him and asked him to shave his hair
completely, now in India a guy shaves a head completely only if his father dies. For moment
that opium addict came to his senses and asked “what has happened, is his father dead” , my
cousin said don’t bother and just do as he says. This sounds funny but completely shaving the
head when the father is still alive was a big deal. When we went home, his father looked, his mother looked and the customers also looked. They did not say anything at least in front of me but I knew for sure the relation between father and son would never be same again. A small judgmental comment from an outsider created difference between a dad and a son. It is difficult to stop judging people, whoever is different than us our subconscious like to judge him. The only thing we can do is tell us from time to time that there is always a reason why someone is like the way he or she is.

In earlier time humans used to judge their neighbors and relatives. As globalization increased now we judge race, religion, and countries. There is nothing black and white in this world, everything is grey. No fight is a just fight and no love is pure. If a person or a society behave a particular way there is always a reason to do that. I am not saying that if someone beats your dog for entertainment, don’t judge him. That is sufficient reason to judge the person. I am saying never judge someone for futile reasons or before giving a chance to the person to explain. Finding victims of our judgement may feel good but it is detrimental to the society.

Find Your Passion - Toastmasters Speech

Many of you must have heard that do what you love and you will not have to work another day in your life. There is no lack of people advising to follow your passion and it sounds great too. First time I was introduced to this idea was when I was 8-9, actually it was not for me but for my much older cousin. I still remember the day vaguely, we were in my aunt house and drinking tea (not me, I was made to drink milk at that age). They were contemplating whether my cousin should choose a career in medical or engineering. She was advised to follow her passion and then asked is her passion in engineering or medical (given 2 options)

Nevertheless I was extremely happy that I learned about a secret key that will setup my life for
success. But now the difficult part came which nobody discussed during that tea meeting. I did not
know what my passion was and where to look for. I was told you cannot figure out passion just by
thinking what your passion is, you need to try out things before you know what you like. I was like –
yes that makes sense.

Some told me passion is something you like to do a lot, some said passion is something you cannot
live without, some said you will automatically know when you find it. Now I was set on a long and
tiresome journey to find my passion. At that young age I almost came to a conclusion that I really like
food and maybe eating is my passion. But then I thought naah that does not sound cool, and it was
more of a body requirement. I was not alone in finding my passion, my parents tried to introduce me
to a variety of activities to find my passion. (dance lessons, guitar, painting, soccer etc). I used to
suck in painting and dancing and guitar. So I was left with soccer, and I started to like it. Used to go
daily, did not miss a training session, But after 6-7 months my interest was fading, my game was not
improving, major reason was that all of soccer greatest players at that time were short, It was a
general consensus that the shorter the height the lower your centre of mass and better balance while
dribbling. That may or may not be true but my mind gave me an excuse why I was not improving and
that it was alright. I used to go but did not push myself enough to improve my game instead I had
developed a new interest – which actually needed very less effort. With some of my like minded
friends after our practice we used to stay to watch the girls team play. I started to bunk more of my
games to just sit and watch the girls play. To my defence we used to watch them in an appreciating
sense. I was smart enough to conclude watching women can not be a passion.

After that I have had a lot of different passion - all of which died early, from poetry, being a writer, a
movie critique n many more. At one time, I used to go to theaters alone with a pen and a notepad. I
have had some strange looks, people just could not digest the idea that anyone can come to a
theater alone. It is actually alright, no shame in that. But there was nothing I could continue more than
a few months.

After a few failure I decided to try a different approach in finding my passion, a more calculative
approach. I thought why not use a checkmark based quantitative method to find my passion. It is a
pretty good method and anyone can try it.
Asked yourself three questions: 
1) You like doing a certain activity today, but will you like doing it for the next 5-10 years ?
2) If money was out of the equation, would you still do it for free?
3) Is this more enjoyable that other activities you do?
If the answer to all these questions is yes, then congratulations but you still have not figured out your
passion.

The problem is passion is not a plan, it is a feeling, and feelings pass. Even there is research that in 4
years humans attraction tends to change for their love partners, so how can we remain attracted to a

certain activity all our life. Going back to our search for passion, I still have not find my passion and
don't think I ever will.
Now before you start throwing stuff at me, let me tell you something that happened a few years back..
I was introduced to badminton many times during my child hood. I could play it well but never liked
the game.

I played it again during my masters studies in college. I have a friend who really is a good badminton
player, which I did not know before. I never liked the game but I was never a bad player. So I thought
maybe I can beat him or at least give a good fight. The first time I played I lost badly (more than 17
points in a 20 point game). That really hurt my ego and I decided no matter what I will beat him one
day. I started to play the game every other day with a goal to get better, sometimes 4-5 hours without
rest. I started putting in effort - push my muscle to jump higher for better smash, always keeping my
body in momentum. Googled some techniques. I improved quickly, and the same game which I never
liked, I stared to enjoy. Though I still cannot beat my friend but now I come close. It is rightly said -
Success fuels passion more than passion fuels success.
So what actually happened ?

I believe there is a threshold in all activities, you have to clear a certain level to start enjoying it. It is
true for anything, any activity physical or mental. Even a subject like math, though it is very difficult to
have passion for pure sciences. We learn math to score or just because it is the stepping stone for
other subjects. A passionate mathematician will try to understand why anything divided by 0 is
undefined and not infinity OR why a factorial of 0 is 1. Once a person clear that threshold only then a
subject like math can become so interesting to eventually go for a PHD or a doctorate in it. The idea
is to go deep in that respective activity.

This threshold is like starting a water turbine, to start it we need a strong force but once it is in motion,
the momentum keeps it rotating even with a little force. So next time you want to try something, try it
with full effort and clear that threshold and you will develop something that can be called as passion.
Passion is not a job, a sport, or a hobby. It is the full force of your attention and energy that you give
to whatever is right in front of you. And if you're so busy looking for this passion, you could miss
opportunities that can change your life.