Being Judgmental

We all have heard never judge a book by its cover but ours is indeed a judgmental society. We
love to judge others, It is not a flaw it is just human nature. Our society does not allows
anybody to be just himself. Judging is a double-edged sword. If we judge someone to be lower
or worse than us then it can create an insecurity or phycological marks on the person who is
judged. But we also tend to judge others who are better than us and that creates jealousy and
unnecessary comparison. Judging without a strong reason is just not sensible.
I cannot speak for the United States but in my country neighbors and relatives have a full-time
job judging others. Last time I went home, my cousin sister asked me where I live, when I told
her Las Vegas – there was a sudden change in her expression, she replied is it not a drugs and
party city. Her tone implied that I spend most of my time in the casinos losing all my money.
She must be thinking that I chose to work in Las Vegas because of the casino, legal weed and
strip clubs, and just because Vegas has the biggest strip club in the world that does not mean I
am a regular customer of those clubs.

Indian culture is still conservative about sex. The funny part is we don’t talk about sex openly
but we breed like rabbits, India has the 2 nd largest population, I don’t understand from where
those kids are coming from. Actually, it is ironic, Kamasutra was written in India, our forefathers
will die a second death if they see their future generations shy away talking about sex.
See Now - I have started judging my own country.

Before judging I should consider that most parts in India has gone through a 1000 years of
Mughal and colonial rule, there was poverty and war, our perspective and views were altered,
we were told and made to believe our thinking and culture were not pure. Our literature was
burnt and universities destroyed, Trade and business banned. There are many reasons that can
be argued, some maybe true some maybe false. And India is a very young country, it is only 70
years old, it will develop and change for good. 1000 years of domination cannot be undone in
70 years.

I know all this but still I judge my country a lot and admire the western countries, and to be true
there is a lot to admire in the west and very less in the east at this time. I cannot change my
judgmental nature but I can change my behavior and attitude towards being judgmental.
I cannot forget a childhood incident, When I was young, during school summer vacations we
used to live with my uncles family in our ancestor house in a small town. They had a shop
connected to the house in front, it also acted as 1 of the ways to leave or enter the house.
One of my cousins, we were 13-14 years old at that time, used to have very long hair and a
tattoo. My uncle wanted his son to pay attention in his studies, according to him studies and
fashion were mutually exclusive. Whenever AK went through the shop the customers would
make faces or pass comments about his tattoo and his friend circle. All customers were people
of that town and so were familiar to my uncle. One particular day one of the customer in a
sarcastic way said long hair looks great but why your daughter wear guys clothes. That triggered something in my uncle and he called the barber that evening and asked him to cut AK’s hair short. I was there and I could not believe he never resisted, When I asked him he said he will answer in his own way.

Near the house there was a lane with video game shops, tea, etc. where all teenagers used to
hangout to smoke cigarettes. We were friends with all shopkeepers there, one in particular was
as opium addict barber. I loved that old man, he was a rare variety. He loved us and we used to
talk a lot. It was always nonsense what he said. One day he said if all opium addicts can be
organized in a political party, we can take over the country. I said that is a wonderful idea. He
also told me his plan to bring barbers into organized sector, have a union, increase haircut
rates, have a barber license. He also talked about a state of the art haircutting school, first of its
kind in the town. But then he said he won’t remember all this and it was my duty to remind him
once he gets elected. I used to agree.

Coming back to the main story, my cousin went to him and asked him to shave his hair
completely, now in India a guy shaves a head completely only if his father dies. For moment
that opium addict came to his senses and asked “what has happened, is his father dead” , my
cousin said don’t bother and just do as he says. This sounds funny but completely shaving the
head when the father is still alive was a big deal. When we went home, his father looked, his mother looked and the customers also looked. They did not say anything at least in front of me but I knew for sure the relation between father and son would never be same again. A small judgmental comment from an outsider created difference between a dad and a son. It is difficult to stop judging people, whoever is different than us our subconscious like to judge him. The only thing we can do is tell us from time to time that there is always a reason why someone is like the way he or she is.

In earlier time humans used to judge their neighbors and relatives. As globalization increased now we judge race, religion, and countries. There is nothing black and white in this world, everything is grey. No fight is a just fight and no love is pure. If a person or a society behave a particular way there is always a reason to do that. I am not saying that if someone beats your dog for entertainment, don’t judge him. That is sufficient reason to judge the person. I am saying never judge someone for futile reasons or before giving a chance to the person to explain. Finding victims of our judgement may feel good but it is detrimental to the society.